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Ask any parent of a teen and they'll tell you that it's a LOT of fun to annoy or embarrass – just a wee bit – their teen. It's part of the "revenge" of all the things that they do to get under your skin.
Some of you who read my blog and also follow me on social media may have noticed I've posted tons of quotes on my Instagram and consequently on Facebook.
I love to communicate, especially when I have something awesome I want to share and discuss with other people. Lately I've read a lot of terrific books about how to look at life – from Amy Morin's book on "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do" to Don Miguel Ruiz's "The Four Agreements" to Brene Brown's "Daring Greatly," (an awesome choice my friend made for book club) and I've found a wealth of information that explains why people do what they do, and how to actually look at life in a different way.
So my habit when I find out all of this exciting stuff is to spew it – lovingly – at my now 18-year-old daughter. I do it in person or text her links. I am just SO DAMN EXCITED about what I'm learning and how it can possibly help her that I just keep researching, reading and sending stuff.
The literal hand comes up and she says "Enough, Mom. I know you want to share all of this with me, but I just can't take the time to even look at the links. I'm really busy with school and other things, and I'm not going to have the time to look at any of it."
Honestly, that is a really mature response to my enthusiasm.
But, she still has her moments of intense emotions, and I know that if she could think differently, it would really help her. However, she often stubbornly refuses to acknowledge that I have some tools that could make a difference.
I have new terms, methods of thinking and analyzing situations and ways to think of oneself and others.
I talk about it with her in her room, while she's getting ready, driving in the car with her and at mealtimes. Yeah I know I talk a lot, but I love her!!!
As I'm talking about all of this healthy mindfulness at breaks from my daughter's homework sessions, I see my 15-year-old son sitting at the kitchen table, also doing homework.
He typically looks busy and disconnected from the conversation, staring at his laptop doing assignments and/or watching videos, with Earpods or Beats on (since he gets all As, I haven't hassled him too much about his homework methods. I'm picking my battles).
Occasionally when I'm making a good point, I see the flicker of his eyes look over the top of the screen at me – he'll never admit it, but he's listening, if only for a moment.
These are the golden times when they're paying attention.
But when I got "the hand' too much and I can't make a point I'd like, I resorted to posting the best quotes I could find on social media.
I know my kids will at least glance at what I post on Instagram.
And so my daughter did say "Why are you posting ALL THESE quotes, Mom? It's ridiculous!"
And she mentioned a few of them.
Photo by Pixabay
Yes, maybe she is kind of embarrassed of my "Quotemania."
But she IS reading what I put out there.
Turns out several of my friends seem to like that I'm doing this as well. They encouraged me to post more quotes (I typically do one per day).
The truth is, the world surrounds us with negativity. For some reason, we are naturally more able to focus on what's negative than positive.
This article, "Praise Is Fleeting But Brickbats We Recall" from the New York Times explains why.
Essentially, negative events require more brain processing than positive ones – and so therefore get more of our brain's "attention." So we tend to naturally wallow in the negativity more.
However, just KNOWING this is how our brain processes such events can help us to deliver strategies to combat the negativity. It works.
This is the key thing I want my kids to know. They can't control what happens to them in life or control other people – we all know that.
And we've often been told "It's how you react to what happens to you."
But what I've been learning from the books and articles I've been reading is HOW TO react – and the strategies WORK.
When you surround yourself with more and more negativity you're feeding that monster; when you surround yourself with information that provides REAL GUIDELINES how to process negative circumstances, you're changing the way your brain works – literally.
So, I went for Quotemania. It might embarrass my kids, but so what? If I have to annoy them into a better way to think about themselves, their lives and how to best get through this life, so be it.
And yes, there IS satisfaction in seeing how much you can annoy your teen! Revenge is sweet!
And now I leave you with something that personifies Parent Embarrassment Revenge: a teen complained to his Dad that he didn't want him to wave to the bus every morning when the kid went to school. Too embarrassing.
Dad's response? To wear a DIFFERENT COSTUME EVERY DAY when he waved to the bus. Check it out.
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