Robin Gudal: Be strong to make your voices heard

EN(dur)ANCE by Robin Gudal

Robin Gudal

This is the third in a five-part series of columns entitled "Epitaph."

It made me sad to think these individuals had probably lived hard lives, had undoubtedly encountered things I could never dream of, had in their own way made an impact on others' lives and now, many years later, there was absolutely no evidence of their legacy.

As a Christian woman, what will my legacy be? Will my life just be a divot in the dirt?

What is the purpose of my life? How am I to impact my future generations? Is all that even important? Is it a wrong motive to want to be remembered? What's the bigger picture here?

So maybe that less than, forgotten, unkept cemetery really was a huge part of their legacy after all.

Years before this experience I had started a yearlong adventure. A few years prior my mother was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's in her mid-50s. Thus, I wanted to learn more about her life. In my mother's own words, my brain is going to turn to mush, I am going to lose my mind, I won't know things. So I pondered, what do I want to know before that happens. What answers do I want before they are lost forever?

Mom has never been one to share a lot of her life. One very poignant fact; that her father was a man who had a huge impact on her. We grew up seeing this small-statured, physically weak-hearted, smoking, harmonica-playing man as not perfect but a fabulous father, one looked up to, almost that of a hero by my mother.

As the disease would progress in the years to come, stories would be unfolded, without restraint at times, so we would have more window panes of our strong mother's life.

Often blessings can and do come from hardship, if you are looking for them. I would never wish illness upon any family; I can honestly say, however, this journey made our family stronger, closer and more appreciative of one another.

As Nancy Reagan once said, "A woman is like a teabag — only in hot water do you realize how strong she is."

Well we as a family found out how strong we are.

The phrase that best describes my mother is from the songwriter and singer Helen Reddy, "I am woman, here me roar."

In the book "Lioness Arising," author Lisa Bevere, who has studied lionesses, also quotes this song — her context being that we as women need to collectively have our voice heard, to make change in a world that needs it so desperately and not to be afraid to stand, even alone if need be, for what is right. My mother lived that as her life mantra.

Robin (Beckman) Gudal, intentional in life, is a wife, momma, nana, friend and a flawed and imperfect follower of Jesus.

15 Empowering International Women's Day Quotes

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International Women's Day is celebrated on March 8, and this year's theme is #BalanceForBetter, calling for a gender-balanced world. Celebrate this inspirational day with empowering quotes you can share with your amazing mom, incredible sister, or remarkable girlfriend.

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1 Michelle Obama

There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish.

2 Oprah

Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping-stone to greatness.

3 Margaret Thatcher

If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.

4 Hillary Clinton

Human rights are women's rights, and women's rights are human rights.

5 Coco Chanel

The most courageous act is to think for yourself. Aloud.

6 Beyoncé

We need to reshape our own perception of how we view ourselves. We have to step up as women and take the lead.

7 Kamala Harris

No woman should be told she can't make decisions about her own body. When women's rights are under attack, we fight back.

8 Reese Witherspoon

I don't know a woman alive who isn't courageous.

9 Melinda Gates

A woman with a voice is, by definition, a strong woman.

10 Emma Watson

We need to live in a culture that values and respects and looks up to and idolizes women as much as men.

11 Viola Davis

Do not live someone else's life and someone else's idea of what womanhood is. Womanhood is you.

12 G.D. Anderson

Feminism isn't about making women strong. Women are already strong. It's about changing the way the world perceives that strength.

13 Rihanna

There's something so special about a woman who dominates in a man's world. It takes a certain grace, strength, intelligence, fearlessness, and the nerve to never take no for an answer.

14 Mary Shelley

I do not wish women to have power over men; but over themselves.

15 Serena Williams

Every woman's success should be an inspiration to another. We're strongest when we cheer each other on.

Selena Barrientos Selena Barrientos is an editorial fellow at GoodHousekeeping.com who helps cover entertainment news, food and holiday pieces.

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Insights for new grads (and all business leaders)| Quint Studer

Quint Studer Special to the Pensacola News Journal

Published 11:00 AM EDT Jun 1, 2019

It's the time of year when people like to share their reflections and insights with new grads. While no one has all the answers, if we've lived awhile — and paid attention — we've learned some truths about what works and what doesn't. I'm no exception. I have made my share of mistakes (I still make some!) and learned from them. I've also met a lot of smart people over the years and learned from them as well. Now I'd like to share some of these learnings.

These insights also apply to business owners, leaders, and employees at all levels. The majority of new grads will enter the workforce, and most will lead others in some capacity (official or unofficial). So I hope that it's not just young people who find something helpful here, but readers of every age. What serves us well at 21 serves us well through retirement and beyond. It's never too early or too late to become a better leader and a better person.

Invest in training people: Train when things aren't going well — and when they are

Learning to listen: Why being a great listener is key to being 'interested,' not interesting

That said, here are some of the most powerful truths about work and life that I've learned so far:

Do what you are passionate about. There is no perfect job. There will be speed bumps, sharp turns, and, at times, a smooth, flat road. If you're passionate about your work, you will make it through the tough times. Choose the work you want to do, not what others push you to do.

Have a personal mission, vision, and values statement. Think it through and write it down. This is not easy, but it's worth it. This will become your blueprint for making hard decisions. It will keep you from drifting through life and settling for less than you truly want and need.

Decide, right now, to be a lifelong learner. This is a must for staying viable in today's business environment. Lifelong learners are more creative, better able to empathize with others, and more likely to stay sharp and youthful. Learn something new every day. Never stop.

Be self-aware and coachable. These are the two most important qualities a leader can have. Self-awareness means knowing what you're good at and what you aren't. Coachability means you're open to (and even grateful for) the feedback that makes you better. They are connected, and each one leads to the other. (Click here for an earlier column on this subject.)

Telling your ego to shush: What does humble leadership look like in action?

Becoming a great manager: What makes a great manager? Skills you should look (and train) for

Manage your ego. Strive to act with humility. This doesn't mean being meek or submissive. It means seeing ourselves objectively—knowing our strengths and our weaknesses. An inflated ego is the enemy of lifelong learning. It can lead us and others down the wrong path. Never assume you're the smartest person in the room. You probably aren't.

Be interested, not interesting. It's natural to want to share our knowledge and tell our story when we meet someone new. Resist the urge. When we practice the art of being interested in the other person, we form more authentic connections. People like and trust us more.

Be curious. If you don't know something, ask. Dig deeper into subjects that interest you. Make a practice of asking great questions. It will help you build strong relationships, and you'll be amazed by how fascinating most people really are.

Keep an optimistic spirit. It attracts the right people and it just feels better. We all need a positive mindset to get through the curve balls life throws at us with grace and resilience.

Keep your standards for yourself higher than what others expect from you. By this I mean character traits like integrity, honesty, kindness, loyalty, fairness, etc. Don't let yourself down. What you think of yourself matters more than what others think of you.

Grit matters. Do hard things. Do them often. There's no other way to develop grit. Where others give up (and many will), you keep going till you finish the job or solve the problem. 

Know that the best way to succeed is by helping others succeed. Instead of asking what someone can do to help you, ask what you can do to help them.

Choose your inner circle wisely. Entrepreneur, author, and motivational speaker Jim Rohn says you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Be aware of the values and habits of those who make up your inner circle. You will almost certainly be influenced by them.

Develop and nurture real relationships. Social media can be helpful for some things, but make sure you are spending real time with people and connecting. Strong relationships are how business gets done (and life gets lived), so put in the face time.

Get a great mentor. If you're hired by a company that has a formal mentoring program, take advantage of it. If not, try volunteering with organizations that attract high-level people. Go in with no expectations, but keep your eyes and ears open. You never know who you'll meet. Later in your career, pay it forward by being a great mentor yourself.

Learn to recognize opportunity. These usually aren't big-picture, game-changing events. They're often small, everyday chances to make something better. Be watchful. Don't let them slip by. Here's a hint: They're often disguised as problems and a whole lot of hard work.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of good. This mindset keeps you from getting things done. I have found most of the time 80 percent is good enough. When you strive for perfection, you are more likely to lose momentum and stall out.

Have a good working knowledge of change management. Study and understand the stages of the change process and the psychology associated with it. The world we live in now requires it. Change is the one constant and tends to get way too little attention.

Be okay with being unsettled (and be willing to unsettle others). Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "People wish to be settled; only as far as they are unsettled is there any hope for them." This is one of my favorite quotes. When you're willing to be unsettled, it means you are able to move through discomfort. Only when we embrace discomfort can we grow and get ahead.

Get comfortable with failure. It can be the quickest path to success. If we don't risk failure, we can never achieve anything. Also, we need to be okay with the fact that everything doesn't work out. Know when to throw in the towel.

Invest in your community. Invest your time, or your money, or whatever skills you have to make where you live a better place. Working hard to lift up Pensacola and my fellow citizens has been one of my greatest joys in life.

Make a gratitude list. Look at it every day. Add to it often. Grateful people are happy people. By making the daily decision to focus on what is going right in our lives, we spend less time dwelling on the past and worrying about the future. We live in the present, which is where life happens, and where we can make deliberate choices to shape our world for the better. 

Life is a gift and a constant adventure. My greatest wish for new grads—and all of us—is that you'll strive to always remember this truth. Let it inspire you to make the best you can of each day. In the process, you'll be creating a better workplace, a better home, a better community, and a better world for everyone.

Quint Studer is the founder of the Studer Community Institute and a successful business leader, speaker and author. He is also the entrepreneur in residence at the University of West Florida.

Have a question?

Are you facing a small business or workplace challenge? Quint Studer can help. Email your questions to quint@quintstuder.com, and it could be the topic for one of Studer's upcoming PNJ columns.

17 Eye-Opening Quotes on Dealing with Criticism

Do you have thick skin, or are you easily affected by the critiques of others?

Occasionally, criticism will be from those closest to you--your boss, your coworkers, your loved ones. And in other instances, it will come from people you don't even know--customers, commenters on social media, and others. Regardless of the source or the intent, criticism is hard to completely avoid. Just ask someone like Elon Musk.

Even if it is easy for others to criticize you or your work, remember that it doesn't have to be hard to handle the criticism itself. In fact, you may even learn to love it. Here are 17 quotes that will teach you a thing or two about effectively dealing with criticism. 

1. "Often those that criticize others reveal what he himself lacks." -- Shannon L. Alder

2. "Pay no attention to what the critics say. A statue has never been erected in honor of a critic." -- Jean Sibelius

3. "Don't waste your energy trying to change opinions...Do your thing, and don't care if they like it." -- Tina Fey

4. "Don't be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you." -- Zig Ziglar

5. "Do not let arrogance go to your head and despair to your heart; do not let compliments go to your head and criticisms to your heart; do not let success go to your head and failure to your heart." -- Roy T. Bennett

6. "All that was great in the past was ridiculed, condemned, combated, suppressed--only to emerge all the more powerfully, all the more triumphantly from the struggle." -- Nikola Tesla

7. "The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure criticism without resentment." -- Elbert Hubbard

8. "He who throws dirt always loses ground." -- Unknown

9. "We need very strong ears to hear ourselves judged frankly, and because there are few who can endure frank criticism without being stung by it, those who venture to criticize us perform a remarkable act of friendship, for to undertake to wound or offend a man for his own good is to have a healthy love for him." -- Michel de Montaigne

10. "Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

11. "Some people talk about other people's failures with so much pleasure that you would swear they are talking about their own successes." -- Mokokoma Mokhonoana

12. "Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn--and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving." -- Dale Carnegie

13. "The trouble with most of us is that we'd rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism." -- Norman Vincent Peale

14. "The dread of criticism is the death of genius." -- William Gilmore Simms

15. "The motive behind criticism often determines its validity. Those who care criticize where necessary. Those who envy criticize the moment they think that they have found a weak spot." -- Criss Jami

16. "Never explain, never retract, never apologize. Just get the thing done and let them howl." -- Nellie McClung

17. "There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing." -- Aristotle

The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

24 Fierce Emma Watson Quotes, Memes & Tweets That Prove She's A Powerful Role Model For Women

A powerful inspiration for young women everywhere.

An award winning actress, feminist icon and role model, the lovely Emma Watson is almost indescribable. Watson has some of the best feminist quotes and quotes about being yourself on the internet. 

Emma Watson is probably known best for her role as Hermione Granger in the movie adaptions of the Harry Potter series and, more recently, for her breathtaking role as Belle in the live-action version of Disney's Beauty and the Beast. However, Watson has played several other roles as well. For example, she played Mae Holland in The Circle, which was released in 2017.

Emma is a parent's dream when it comes to setting a positive example for women, especially for young girls, in the media due to her portrayal of strong, brave and brainy young women like Hermione and Belle in children's movies.

Plus, despite her nearly constant work as an actress, she still managed to graduate from the ivy league college Browns University with a degree in English Literature (something both Hermione AND Belle would be envious of) in May of 2014.

After graduating, Watson was appointed as UN Women Goodwill Ambassador in July of that same year. Since then, Watson has become known as a bit of a feminist icon.

Emma has promoted several feminist causes as the Goodwill Ambassador, including the UN Women's HeForShe campaign (which strives to promote gender equality). She also served as an ambassador for Camfed International (which strives to educate in rural Africa), and, more recently, she has supported the Time's Up movement to make changes for women in the workplace in regards to harassment.

According to Hello! Magazine, Watson "recently spearheaded a new UK part of the 'Time's Up' movement, and donated an incredible £1million to the victims of harassment. She also signed an open letter about harassment that was signed by 190 female stars."

Despite her widespread fame and celebrity reach, Watson is incredibly skilled at keeping her life private. However, Hello! Magazine speculated late 2017 that Watson had broken off her two-year relationship with boyfriend William 'Mack' Knight.

The actress was also caught with a grammar error in a temporary tattoo on the red carpet (a bit embarrassing for an English Lit major, for sure). Still, it doesn't look like Emma's grammatically incorrect Time's Up tattoo (the temporary tat read "Times Up") will affect her success with the movement — nor will her newfound singledom.

Emma Watson is an inspiration to everyone (particularly young girls) and is one of my favorite celebrity feminists.

RELATED: 19 PERFECT Emma Watson Quotes On Feminism, Daniel Radcliffe & Beauty

Check out the top 25 best Emma Watson quotes, memes, Instagram posts and tweets to become inspired by her, too!

1. Emma is a dreamer.

"Empathy, and the ability to use your imagination, should have no limits."  — Emma Watson

2. Emma believes in equality for men, too.

"Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong."  — Emma Watson

3. Emma asks the real questions.  

"If not me, who? If not now, when?" — Emma Watson

4. Emma is the very definition of a feminist. 

"This isn't ' are better than boys'. This is just: Everyone deserves a fair chance." —​ Emma Watson

5. She perfectly illustrates why men need feminism too.

"I'm really, genuinely disturbed by this idea that men can't cry … They can't express themselves – They can't talk about how they actually feel. I think that's actually the saddest thing in the world. How you feel, being able to express yourself, being emotional – It's not what makes you a girl. It's what makes you human." —​ Emma Watson

6. Emma explains how feminism attempts to liberate BOTH genders from gender stereotypes.

"Gender equality no only liberates women but also men from prescribed gender stereotypes." —​ Emma Watson

7. She's the ideal role model for all young .

"Don't feel stupid if you don't like what everyone else pretends to love." —​ Emma Watson

8. Her roles inspire young everywhere.

"Young are told you have to be a delicate princess. Hermione taught them that you can be the warrior." —​ Emma Watson

9. She encourages everyone to speak up.

"That haircut did make me realize how subjective everyone's opinion is. Some people were crazy for it and some just thought I'd lost my sh*t. All I can do is follow my instincts, because I'll never please everyone." —​ Emma Watson

10. She perfectly described why defining yourself by your gender is silly.

"It is time that we all see gender as a spectrum instead of two opposing ideals. We should stop defining each other by what we are not and start defining ourselves by who we are." —​ Emma Watson

RELATED: Emma Watson And the F-Word

11. When she described her roll in Beauty and the Beast so perfectly.

"I feel like young are told that they have to be a princess and fragile. It's bullsh*t. I identify much more with a warrior — a fighter. If I was going to be a princess, I'd be a warrior princess, definitely." —​ Emma Watson

12. When she took the time to formally invite men into the conversation on gender equality.

"Men, I would like to take this opportunity to extend your formal invitation. Gender equality is your issue, too." —​ Emma Watson

RELATED: How Emma Watson and 'HeForShe' Are Changing Feminism's Bad Rap

13. When she got confused by what a "rubber" is.

"You guys call a condom a rubber. My version of a rubber is an eraser. I've very loudly asked for a rubber and people have given me strange looks." —​ Emma Watson

14. Preach it, sister!

"Women feel like we need permission. … we need to lead and change that." —​ Emma Watson

15. She addresses how feminism isn't (and never was) about hating men.

"Fighting for women's rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating … This has to stop. For the record, feminism by definition is: 'The belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities'." —​ Emma Watson

16. A profound quote about self-expression and not going for "perfect".

"There's nothing interesting about looking perfect — you lose the point. You want what you're wearing to say something about you, about who you are." —​ Emma Watson

17. That time she threw a truth bomb on everyone.

"If you stand for equality, then you're a feminist. Sorry to tell you."—​ Emma Watson

18. That time she made a joke about how bad she looked in the first Harry Potter movie.

"After seeing this clip, I look back at the work I've done over the last 14 years … and many things come to mind. Most importantly … how bad my hair was in the first Harry Potter film."—​ Emma Watson

19. Her dedication to the truth is admirable, for sure.

"I'm very interested in truth, in finding ways to be messy and unsure and flawed and incredible and great and my fullest self, all wrapped up into one." —​ Emma Watson

20. When she described why we still need feminism.

"I think it is right that I am paid the same as my male counterparts. I think it is right that I should make decisions about my own body. I think it is right that women be involved on my behalf in the policies and decisions that will affect my life. I think that is right that socially, I am afforded the same respect as men." —​ Emma Watson

21. Her confidence and independence are incredible.

"I don't want other people to decide who I am. I want to decide that for myself." —​ Emma Watson

22. She continues to support equality in all walks of life.  23. She stands up against harassment. 24. She helped bring the Time's Up movement to the UK.

RELATED: 10 Female Celebrities Worthy Of #WCW Every Damn Day

If you're searching for the best quotes and memes to share with the people you love (or just want to feel inspired yourself) ... look no further! From the sweetest love quotes, inspirational sayings, and hilarious friendship truths, we've got you covered.

Nicole Bradley-Bernard is a writer who covers entertainment and trending topics, pop culture and feminism. 

30 best inspirational moving on quotes to motivate you

© Provided by Genesis Media 30 best inspirational moving on quotes to motivate you

Happiness is the key to life as they say. However, life comes with a lot of challenges and nasty experiences that are too much to bear. Holding on to the past will not only make you feel miserable but will also slowly destroy your future. Time may be the best healer, but one has to initiate the healing process by reflecting on some moving on quotes to help you keep going.

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You do not need to rely on anyone's help for you to move on and be happy. All you need are moving on quotes. They will assist you to discover how easy it is to rejuvenate yourself, see things from a different perspective as well as instil positive thinking about life.

Moving on quotes about change in life

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Nothing should keep you from being happy and full of life. Inspirational quotes about change and moving on will help you relieve your burdened heart and let go of the past. Below are some good quotes about moving on:

"The truth is that unless you let your past go, unless you forgive the situation, unless you self-forgive, unless you come to the fact that the situation is already over, you will never move forward." – Steve Maraboli

"I think that the power is in the principle. The principle of moving forward, as if you have the confidence to move forward will eventually give you confidence when you look back and see what you have done." – Robert Downey Junior

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go." – Hermann Hesse

"Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed." – Wayne Dyer

"Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly allow your mind to be open. You are able to gain from the unique views of others, without being brought down by your own thinking." – Ralph Marston

"You can spend all the minutes, hours, days, or even weeks you want scrutinising a situation, justifying what could have happened; or you can decide to leave the pieces on the ground and move on." – Tupac Shakur

"Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?" – Leo Buscaglia

Quotes about being a strong woman and moving on

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Women are the pillars of the nation. Being hurt does not mean it is the end of life. You need to be strong for the sake of those who depend on you. Below are the quotes about being strong and moving on:

"Breathe and let go. Remind yourself that this is the only moment you know you have for sure." – Oprah Winfrey

"Courage is the power to let go of the familiar." – Raymond Lindquist

"Hanging on is believing that there is only a past; letting it go is believing that there is a future." – Daphne Rose Kingma

"There's an important difference between giving up and letting go." – Jessica Hatchigan

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Do not entertain old pains. The energy you consume hanging onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?" – Mary Manin Morrissey

"We must be inclined to let go of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." – Joseph Campbell

"Girls, you've gotta know when it is time to turn the page." – Tori Amos

"If you spend your precious time hoping that someone will agonize the aftermath for what they did to your soul, then you are giving them a chance to hurt you a second time in your mind." – Shannon L. Alder

"Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to help us awake & see we are worth so much more than we are settling for." – Mandy Hale

"Every woman who has finally discovered out her worth has already picked up her valise of pride, and boarded a flight to freedom. They alighted in the valley of change." – Shannon L. Alder

Quotes on moving on and letting go

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Dwelling too much on the past pain prevents you from moving on. Regrets are not a solution to any problem. Quotes about moving on in life will help you let go of your past and ease the psychological pain. Thus inspirational quotes about moving on and letting go are important in times of despair.

"Do not dwell on what went wrong. Rather, focus your efforts on what to do next. Spend your strengths moving forward together towards a common goal." – Denis Waitley

"You must make a decision that you will move on. It won't happen automatically. You will have to say, 'I don't care how hard this is, I do not care how disappointed I might be, I am not going to let this get the best of me. I am moving on with my life." – Joel Osteen

"Letting go does not mean that you do not care about someone any longer. It just means you have realised that the only person you really have control over is yourself." – Deborah Reber

"Letting go means recognising that some people are only a part of your history, but they are not a part of your destiny." – Steve Maraboli

"There is something we leave of ourselves when we leave a place; we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us which we will only find again when we go back there." – Pascal Mercier

"It is crucial that we forgive ourselves for the mistakes we make. We also need to learn from our errors and move on." – Steve Maraboli

"You can't look back, you just have to put the past behind you and find something better in your future." – Jodi Picoult

"Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over." – Guy Finley

"Holding on is trusting that there is a past but letting go is knowing that there is a future." – Daphne Rose Kingma

"There comes a time in life when you will make the decision of whether to turn the page, close it or simply write another book." – Shannon L. Alder

"Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let the tears moisten the seeds of your future happiness." – Steve Maraboli

"You can't look back; you just have to put the past behind you and find something better in your future." – Jodi Picoult

There is no such pain that is too much to bear. Either you are going through a painful breakup, loss of investments or betrayal from people you treasure. You need to accept the situation, be strong, and move on since the future holds much for us. Moving on quotes will help you not to peg your life on the past.

Five Keys to Inner Strength From Five Years in Prison

October 1, 2018, marked five years since I was imprisoned. My physical surroundings today are ironically similar to what they were after my arrest back in 2013. I'm in the SHU again (Special Housing Unit, aka "the hole"). It means permanent lockdown, separated from the general prison population, in a small cell. There is a slot in the heavy metal door for food trays, a small steel toilet, a concrete bunk with thick rings at four points (I guess that's how I'll get strapped down if I go crazy), chipped paint on the walls and floor with gang names and desperate Bible quotes etched in, and everywhere thick marks counting the days spent here by former inhabitants (some collections are terrifyingly large).

The initial shock of entering the cell — and all it meant for my immediate future — gave way after a few days to a helpless, restless dread and a burning need to get out. This feeling had to be stuffed down to avoid madness, and eventually a numb acceptance took over, but it was a precarious arrangement. Desperate frustration simmered constantly beneath the surface.

When I was first arrested, I was put in the hole against my will at three different prisons as they bounced me across the country from San Francisco where I was arrested to New York where I was prosecuted. The only reason I was given for this was that I was "high profile." After six weeks, I was let out and never returned ... until now. This time, I'm actually glad to be here because the alternative is life-threatening.

I was forced by some other inmates to make a choice: assault someone or be assaulted. Morally I knew I couldn't initiate violence against another, but if I refused, I would be seriously hurt and would face an uncertain future, not knowing how long I'd be in the hole under protective custody or whether I'd be sent to another prison where I'd meet the same fate.

When the dreadful situation arose, I managed to ask for protective custody before anything happened to me. I was immediately cuffed and escorted to this cell where I'm writing from. I chose the hole rather than hurt another man.

When they dropped me in the SHU after my arrest, I did my best, but it was a tough six weeks, going from a life of freedom straight in. I broke down when I got my first phone call, and, after one week, I completely lost track of time and grounding. It makes me anxious just remembering it.

Maybe after five-plus years I'm used to doing time, but I think it's how I've done my time that has made me mentally tough, that has made the difference between how I handled the hole back then and how I'm handling it now. I want to share this hard-won wisdom with you. Here are the five keys to inner strength I've learned from five years in prison.

Patience

My first night locked up was in a San Francisco holding cell: just painted concrete, toilet and sink. There was blood splatter staining the wall. I was so impatient for that night to be over. I almost felt I couldn't survive it, as if it would never end. Of course it did, but I've never felt time move so slowly.

Prison has its own pace. One time, getting two pages of medical records printed took three months. I once had a faucet running day and night for five weeks before it was fixed. A clogged toilet took two months and a complaint to the Office of the Inspector General. Another time, I spotted a letter addressed to me in the corner of a guard's office. It had been there for four months.

I've learned that patience means doing what you can today then letting go. It means settling in to this moment and letting things come in their own time. Impatience and boredom do not bring results faster, but they do rob you of your happiness here and now.

Will to Fight

After a long day of working in the lab as an undergraduate research assistant back in 2005, my mentor asked me if I had ever boxed. I told him no, nor had I been in a real fight. Compared to many, I had a sheltered upbringing in safe schools and neighborhoods. I had no need to fight. He pulled out some 14-ounce gloves and we went a few rounds in the hall outside our office, blowing off steam and having fun. From then on, whenever the stress of work got high, we'd get the gloves out at night before heading home.

When I was arrested and thrown in jail, I faced an opponent in a real fight for the first time in my life. The prosecution wanted to take my life as I knew it. They wanted — and still want to — keep me in a cage forever. I found myself on an alien battlefield and my opponent had every advantage. Being initially locked up in a detention center was like fighting while under water, most of my energy going to day-to-day survival and dealing with prison bureaucracy.

At trial, I stepped into the ring hoping for a chance, for a fair fight. When my lawyer wasn't allowed to cross-examine the prosecution's witnesses and I wasn't allowed to call my own, my hands were tied behind my back. And when the prosecution was allowed to hide corrupt agents from my jury and present unreliable and tainted digital evidence, they were handed a metal bat. It wasn't a fight. It was a massacre. The defeats kept coming, first at the appellate court, then at the Supreme Court.

I remember one time when I decided to stay out late on the prison yard. The sun was setting, and it was just me and a few others out there. I walked over to a metal picnic table where a man I'll call Big Mike sat alone. Big Mike was the biggest person I've ever met. He weighs twice as much as I do, and his arms are as thick as my legs. He once told me that he doesn't work out because he gets too big and scares people. We chatted for a while and he told me about the arguments he was preparing for his next motion to the court.

"I need to keep working on my case every single day until I go free," I said, inspired by his efforts.

His expression became stern. He stared me down then went into a half hour rant that only ended because we were called off the yard for the night. "Yes you do," he said. "No one is going to fight for your freedom like you. These people got you tied in a knot and you'll never get out if you don't struggle and fight. You're fighting for your life. They took your life from you. Only you can get it back." He was still going as we walked into the cell block.

Big Mike had fought his entire life. He grew up on the streets of Philly. He fought to survive, and now he was fighting the last shreds of doubt and defeat still left in my heart. He won that night and lit a fire in me that's been burning ever since.

The will to fight is primal. It's in all of us. Like me, many of us have never needed it and it lays dormant. Yet you don't need to wait until you are under attack and your life is in danger to learn to fight. You can fight for who you love, for what matters, for what you believe in, like your life depends on it. And truly it does because a life worth living is worth fighting for.

Forgiveness

A few months after I was sentenced, I lay down on my bunk after the cell door had been locked for the night. As my conscious mind slowed down and sleep approached, the faces of those who put me away for life bubbled up and captured my attention: the judges, prosecutors, politicians and agents, and they were looking down on me with mocking smiles. A cocktail of emotions accompanied these images, including anger, frustration, helplessness, even the beginnings of hate. My heart beat fast and my mind raced until I snapped fully awake and lay there trying to drift off again. After a few cycles of this, I sat up in bed. This wasn't the first time I couldn't stop these negative feelings. I had to get a grip.

While I was tossing and turning, those people were probably sleeping, comfortable and sound, in big comfy beds in big comfy houses. Or were they? Maybe they were also sitting up at night tormented by the thought of all the people like me they had condemned. Or maybe they didn't care and rationalized the pain away. The truth, I realized, was that I had no idea. And further, all my anger wasn't hurting them one bit. It was all right there with me in that cell. I wasn't getting back at them by holding a grudge, but I was poisoning my mind.

As revolting as it felt at first, I had to forgive them. I purposely cultivated thoughts like "It wasn't personal, they don't even know me" and "Their hearts must be so calloused by what they do, I feel sorry for them." I focused on feelings of love and kindness and imagined them radiating out and healing those who had hurt me. I don't know if that had an effect on any of them, but I certainly started sleeping better.

As time went on, I became ruthless with these hateful thoughts whenever they entered my mind and would rewire them immediately as I had that night. I could not indulge in them because I had come to learn this simple truth: hate does not hurt the hated, it hurts the hater. It's been years since I wasted my energy hating those people and I'm so much better off for having forgiven them.

Faith

Being condemned to grow old and die in prison with two life sentences plus 40 years is like staring into an abyss. My future as I knew it disappeared, replaced by darkness and uncertainty. In the face of this nightmare, faith became a matter of survival.

The day I was sentenced I returned to the detention center and was given hugs, condolences and a hot meal from my fellow prisoners. When I found some time alone that night, I saw two roads before me. One was a downward spiral. I could see that the further I went down, the harder it would be to claw my way back. At the bottom, the demons of despair, hatred and crushing sadness were waiting to devour me. The other path soared upward, but I couldn't find the steps. There weren't any. There was no reason to hope that I could hold onto.

In the following months, I had to leap, stumble and scramble toward that upward path. With all evidence to the contrary, I had to have faith that God would see me through whatever was to come. I realized I'm not strong enough on my own to keep from falling into that ever-present abyss. It may be irrational to believe without proof, to have faith, but it's also irrational to forsake the hope, love and joy that faith brings, because it gives you the strength to fight and ultimately win. In a situation as desperate as mine, keeping faith alive is the difference between freedom and a slow, caged death.

Acceptance and Gratitude

There are endless opportunities for suffering in prison. You can suffer when they lock you in the cell and you feel like you'll explode if you can't get ou; when your back spasms from the hard bunk; when you're sick and feel isolated; when you notice the filth; when the door slams and locks behind your loved ones after a visit; when you feel like you're drowning and just need one last day of freedom to breathe; when you wish you could keep sleeping but you have to get your boots on because what if a riot pops off; when you imagine the shank you saw pierce the last man is piercing your flesh; when you realize you haven't had a moment of privacy in years and everything around you is cold and hard; when someone dies and you never got to say goodbye to.

I've had countless occasions for suffering. In each case the pain is unavoidable. It hits without warning and you feel it, whether you like it or not. And of course, the nature of pain is to not like it. Our natural reaction is to resist it, to fight it, to push it away or down. This aversion to pain is suffering.

To resist what is so and long for something better is to suffer. Pain and suffering seem hopelessly entangled in prison, but I've learned that suffering is not the unavoidable consequence of pain.

While pain is inevitable in my circumstances, suffering is entirely optional. Pain, even emotional pain, is just a physical sensation: the knot in my stomach, the ache in my heart and head. It is neither positive nor negative on its own. It just is. Suffering is our negative response to pain which compounds and amplifies it and drags it on and on.

I've come to believe that the antidote to suffering, the path out of it, is acceptance and gratitude. Acceptance turns "I can't take another day in this hell" into "I am where I am, and yes, it hurts." Gratitude goes a step further: "At least I have clean water and enough food. At least I'm alive and surviving. Thank you." Suffering always arises in the context of inadequacy because you want what you don't have. Acceptance and gratitude flip your context to one of abundance because you are focused on what you do have and are thankful for it. It's the difference between misery and joy and it's available to each of us every moment of the day.

So here I am in the hole, counting my many blessings and refusing to indulge in suffering. Hopefully, you can benefit from these five keys to inner strength without having to go through what I have. That would be a nice silver lining, to know what's happened to me can make a difference for you. That is one more thing to be grateful for.